- League

Tilbury Football Club Ground (Chadfields), Tilbury, United Kingdom

Newham FC

1 - 8

Clapton FC

Game Report

Newham FC 1 – 8 Clapton FC

An unforgettable 8-1 (Cook, Cookey 2, Morris, Ocran, Mukuna, Lemba 2) win was witnessed by a minibus full of us. And it was fucking great, and if you weren’t there then HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA. Sorry (not sorry).

Nathan Cook had a new haircut and clean-shaven look (job interview or crown court we reckoned) which just made him seem even more like Lionel Messi. His opener fit the bill, too, traveling to the edge of the area before stepping inside and curling one over the (obviously pretty hapless) Newham keeper. Then our new goal machine Cookey took over, first trapping, spinning and drilling in our second, and then tidying up some neat interplay with Nathan C. 3-0 after less than 20 minutes, and it was four before the half-hour, Paul Barry’s centre looped home by Freddie Morris’ Brylcremed barnet. Then we got the rare* but wonderful sight of Geoff Ocran bursting into the box and coolly finishing a nice patient passing move which started from a Yakub roll out at the other end. (* So rare we all thought (and sang) that it was Paul Oshin.)

The second half saw Walther rest first Barry and soon after Cookey and Ocran’s legs. It was sub Nathan Mukuna who finally got us back in the goals with a looping effort which, truth be told, their keeper completely effed up, the poor bastard. Then after Newham pulled one back, Roddy Lemba poached a nice brace. It was nice to see every single teammate celebrate with him after a frustrating spell in front of goal lately. His second was lovely, a sharp header to finish off another Cook foray. If you have him in your Fantasy League team, you are laughing, mate.

Newham were abject in every regard, it must be said, but it was great to see us capitalising on our dominance so hard. With games against a few more of the bottom sides to come, Walther’s target of 60+ points looks achievable. And seeing how we play on pitches better than our own will hopefully translate into some decent awaydays to wrap up the season.


4-3-3: Seyer; Barry, Waldren, Moore, Jarriette; Ocran, Morris, Cook; Cookey, Lemba, Oshin

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